Second Annual Fun Run

It was a gorgeous, muggy morning at the 2nd Annual Nancy's Butterfly Fund Fun Run. Nan would have loved the 5K course through the woods...I enjoyed it but did have to walk a bit more than I usually do. I think the fact I got up at 5:00 AM to get ready for the run didn't help. Thank goodness it was non-competitive! :)

Now that the Run is over, I feel I can really let myself feel the loss and grief that accompanies this time period. I miss her often, of course, but right around now I'm fully into "two years ago today..." thoughts, and it's been hard to set those aside for the sake of the Fund.

In an interview today, one of the questions I was asked (not aired) was "if you could talk to Nancy today, what would you tell her?" I laughed and responded that I talk to her all the time! I must have sounded a bit crazy, but she is a beautiful presence in my life. I feel blessed to have known her as long as I did.

What I would say, what I do say, is "I love you, Nancy. I miss you. Thank you for being my friend."

One year ago today

Honestly, I don't know that I can say much more than that. It has certainly been the worst year of my life, and yet every second of it is precious. Having Nancy in my heart lends me strength in difficult circumstances, and her shining examples of patience and attention have given me a roadmap for how to be a better mother and friend.

Why does this suburban housewife have such a lasting impact? If you ever met her, you know - she was larger than life, and embraced life with a passion and intensity I have rarely known. She really cared about people and embodied that caring in word and deed. She was not in any way perfect, but her flaws were also identified, embraced and celebrated.

So even though I grieve, I know that she lived her short time on earth extremely well. Her legacy lives on in the dozens of friends, hundreds of people touched by her story, the present and future women we will help with Nancy's Butterfly Fund, and of course, in her beautiful daughters and her family in Canada. Those children continue to be held in Nancy's "tunnel of love."

Peace to all who grieve with me on this day. Lift a glass to Nancy and to yourself, it's what she would have wanted.

St. Rita's Ministry Prayer Vigil 5/19/2009

Now that this can become a blog again and not be an official website for Nancy's Butterfly Fund, I can go back to posting like a blogger. Last night I had the good fortune to be invited to present the Fund at the St. Rita's Ministry Prayer Vigil at St. Michael the Archangel church in Cary. This is what I said -- crying the entire time, I might add.



Last year at about this time, I was planning a going-away party for my best friend Nancy Cooper. It was a difficult party to plan, not only because of the emotional burden – I was so sad she was leaving, but so supportive of the move and excited for her at the same time – but also because the date was a moving target. Nancy's moving date was not in her control, as she had no financial resources of her own beyond a weekly cash allowance. With no access to a credit card, she could not arrange for the moving van.


Even given this constraint, Nancy had managed to plan a new life for her and her girls in Canada. Her sister Krista had prepared a room for them, and Nancy had set up three job interviews. She had found a pre-school nearby for Bella. At the “Saddest Party Ever” - as I titled it – her large and generous group of friends were all going to bring money to help defray the moving expenses and to help her get on her feet. When the moving van was finally arranged for, I bought a one-way ticket from Canada so that I could help her drive up with the girls. Everything was settled, we thought...she was ready to leave and start over.


Unfortunately, the separation agreement, when it arrived that week, was not signed. The moving van was called off. The move was cancelled. We went ahead and had the party anyway, since selfishly we were happy she was staying – and we wanted to show our unconditional support for her in her very difficult situation. We celebrated her continuing presence in our lives, as we had all feared the hole she would leave when she moved.


Now she is gone forever, and that hole is a terrible chasm. Nancy was the best friend of so many, she was so integral to our lives, and we know we can never replace her. She was the one we called when we were upset, or sad, or angry, and we are more upset, sad and angry than we have ever been.


In the months since Nancy's death, we have questioned how we can bring something positive from this devastation; our answer has become our desire to help other women and children leaving domestic violence situations. This is the chrysalis for Nancy’s Butterfly Fund. Our mission is to minimize the financial obstacles that may prevent women from leaving violent unsafe homes. The fund will provide financial assistance for individuals and families participating in InterAct’s programs and services. Specifically, the assistance fund may help with apartment and utility deposits, childcare, education, food, transportation and other basic financial needs and services. In essence, this is what we were prepared to do for Nancy at her going-away party, but we have realized that not everyone has access to that kind of help.


To honor Nancy, we have planned several events to raise funds for Nancy's Butterfly Fund – first, a black-tie optional Gala which we are sure that Nancy would have been excited to buy a dress for on June 13th, and second, a Family Fun Run on the anniversary of her death. We hope these upcoming events help us to remember Nancy's wonderful spirit, and to share her zest for life with the community.


Sometimes financial obstacles make the difference between leaving and staying. If we can help one family reach safety, if we can raise awareness in an abused woman that this is not her fault, and that it can happen to anyone, if we can save one life – well, it will never be enough, but it will be a start.

Nancy's Butterfly Fund official website

The Nancy's Butterfly Fund official website is up and running! Please visit http://www.nancysbutterflyfund.org/ for updates on the Fund, our exciting upcoming events, or for information on how to donate in the US or in Canada.

In other news, an amazing group of 35 volunteers has been working tirelessly to make the Inaugural Gala event at Lifetime Fitness in Cary a night to remember. Tickets are on sale, and you can contact allisons@interactofwake.org to purchase them.

Nancy’s Butterfly Fund Announced

April 20, 2009

For Immediate Release

CARY, NC - Friends of Cary murder victim Nancy Cooper announce the creation of Nancy’s Butterfly Fund, a fund that will provide financial assistance to women and their children leaving abusive relationships. Nancy’s Butterfly Fund will be managed by Interact, a renowned local nonprofit agency that provides safety, support and awareness to victims and survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Organizers say their goal is to minimize the financial obstacles that may prevent women from leaving violent unsafe homes. The fund will provide financial assistance for individuals and families participating in Interact’s programs and services. Specifically, the assistance fund may help with apartment and utility deposits, childcare, education, food, transportation and other basic financial needs and services .

“In the days immediately following Nancy's death, a butterfly, both large and vivid, seemed to be a constant guest in our neighborhood and it came to symbolize our departed friend. We have selected the butterfly symbol to memorialize, honor Nancy and to support victims whose lives are impacted by dysfunctional domestic violence relationships,” said Garry Rentz, Nancy Cooper’s father.

The inaugural event to raise money for Nancy’s Butterfly Fund will be held on June 13, 2009 at Life Time Fitness in Cary, North Carolina. Cooper, an avid runner, was a member of the club. The fundraiser will include a silent auction, live music, cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. It will give everyone who attends a chance to support the cause while having fun, something Cooper would have enjoyed.

Information will be released soon about how to get tickets to the upcoming fundraiser. To donate, visit Interact and select "Nancy's Butterfly Fund" from the drop-down list.

Any businesses that would like to donate goods and services are asked to contact any of the advisory board members.

ABOUT INTERACT:

Interact is a private, nonprofit United Way agency that provides safety, support, and awareness to victims and survivors of domestic violence and rape/sexual assault. Interact has recently opened the Family Safety and Empowerment Center in Raleigh, which brings together nine other community agencies to provide wrap-around services for victims and survivors of violence and abuse. The agency provides two 24-hour crisis lines, group and individual counseling, bilingual counseling, specialized children’s counseling, case management, court and hospital advocacy, professional training, and a full curriculum of violence prevention in the Wake County schools. Interact also operates Wake County’s only confidential residential program for women and children fleeing domestic violence. Visit Interact at http://www.interactofwake.org/.

Please continue to reference this site for details, or contact any of the advisory board members listed below:

Hannah Prichard
Susan Crook
Jessica Adam
Diana Duncan

butterflyfund@gmail.com

Exciting news on the way

Last year, Nancy hosted a really fantastic Easter Egg hunt -- even in the cold weather, fun was had by all. We miss her so much every day, but days like this are even more poignant.

However, in the midst of our grief come rays of sunlight -- some very exciting things are happening on the organization front, which may help bring meaning to this terrible tragedy. Stay tuned...

Cary Police team with Interact

I saw this in the paper today: Cary Police team with Interact

If there can be any good to come from this terrible tragedy, I hope it will be that abused partners will get out of bad situations, and that there will be support systems adequate to allow them to feel they can leave without being forced into hiding or poverty.

Divorce is much better than Death.

I am continually impressed with the Cary Police Department. They live their work.

Searching on Sunday

A few of us are planning to join the search for Kelly Currin Morris on Sunday. There is also a prayer vigil scheduled for Saturday night, see the details below. She is a young mother of two who has been missing for six months. I can only imagine how devastating this is for her family.

When: Saturday, March 7, 2009
Where: Butner Park
Central Avenue
Butner, North Carolina
Time: 7:00pm
Please join family & friends gathering at the flagpole

http://www.kellycurrinmorris.com/Kelly_is_Missing.html

Officer of the year

I saw a wonderful article in the Cary News today - Officer of the year is low-key leader. While I haven't interacted directly with Det. Daniels, one section of the article certainly resonated (quoted below).  Congratulations, Det. Daniels, and thank you!

And he touted Daniels’ leadership and mentoring of two young detectives who assisted Daniels in investigating three homicides in 2008.

“Both of these detectives have grown professionally because of working with Detective Daniels and have developed a deep and profound respect for him that words alone can’t measure,” Byrd said in his nomination. “This is due in part to his unassuming approach to individuals that wants those working with him to achieve their maximum potential. His approach works because he doesn’t seek credit or recognition for himself but because he is always focused on the greater good.”

It was Nancy's eldest daughter's birthday this week. Happy Birthday!

Adopt a Highway

Someone or some group has adopted a section of Dillard Drive starting at Walnut Street and heading towards Piney Plains "in memory of Nancy Cooper".  I would love it if whoever has done this will take the opportunity to let me know personally or by posting a comment on this blog when the cleanup days are.  It's a wonderful memorial, especially since Nancy actually used to walk or roller-blade that stretch of road back when they first moved here...back when there weren't even any sidewalks!  The Coopers did not own a car at first and then had only one for a year, so Nancy would walk or rollerblade with a backpack on her back to do errands, grocery shop or to go see a movie at Crossroads.

My understanding from this website is that cleanups are performed four times a year. Count me in!

Furnishings

It hurt to see the furnishings hauled away today.

I remember when the house was empty back in 2001.  I remember the funny red sofas from the store in Canada.  I remember the dining room which was perfect for turning cartwheels in.  I remember the refinishing of the old kitchen table.  I remember sending back the sofas when the wrong ones arrived.  I remember the months-long deliberations on the fabric for the chairs in the dining room, and then the further wait for the table to be shipped from the artisan in Canada, and finally the inaugural dinner.  I remember the similar deliberations about the wing-back chair, and then some regrets on the final choice.  I remember how beautiful the key table was, and how one was not allowed to actually put keys on it for fear of scratches...and then I remember the day the front door flew open and scratched the table.

I know they are just things, but Nancy's esthetic and consideration and love of design informed these things.  I'm so sad that the girls will not have the joy of passing along the heirloom-quality items to their children, along with the stories.

Don't expect many postings here, but please do keep the Memorial Fund in mind, for the girls.  They have had so much taken away.

Memorial Bench at Regency Park

A lovely granite bench etched with a photo of Nancy has been installed at Regency Park.  It will be an excellent site of reflection and rest for years to come.

Thanks so much to the anonymous donors and to the city of Cary for this fitting, moving and lasting memorial.

No words

Just tears.

Apologies, and Thanks

I've been served with a subpoena which requires that I produce, among many other things 

"Any and all correspondence, including but not limited to email, memorandum, letters, notes, text messages, etc, blog posts or blog spots, chat room conversations with any person or agency, including but not limited to Plaintiffs, their counsel, law enforcement officers, friends, etc. regarding Nancy Cooper, Bradley Cooper, the biological children of Nancy and Bradley Cooper, or Nancy Cooper's death and/or disappearance."

Unfortunately, this includes all the wonderful volunteer form postings.  These volunteers have my sincere and deep sympathies for any invasion of privacy this might engender.  They also have my sincere, deep and lasting gratitude for all their fantastic work or offers of work.

The Cary "Clique"?

We have been very careful not to speculate in the media as to how or why or by whom Nancy was murdered. 

We will continue that stance.

Any and all pertinent communications are done in a legal framework.  The media are publicizing what should be a private matter, but that is not under our control, nor is it anything we desire.

Nancy is dead.  Nancy has been silenced.  It is the civic duty of those she confided in to provide her a voice.

Sorry to bore you

I realize this is frustrating.  Believe me, I realize it.  But commenting on anything that's in the news is just not productive at this point.

The Memorial website is still evolving.  Nancy's family told me they are very appreciative of the comments and tributes.  Thank you from all of us.

Still no comment, don't forget the Fund

There's a fair bit of media coverage again today as the contents of the search warrants were released, but we're still maintaining a "no comment" position.

I'm going to try to upload the video that was played at the Edmonton memorial service to http://www.imorial.com/NancyCooper, I'll revise this post if I'm successful.

Don't forget the Memorial Fund! Details to the right, all proceeds going directly to Nancy's precious girls.

Received from http://www.safealone.org/home.html

I received this message from Paige Slocumb, who lost her sister to an attacker in Atlanta.

==================================================================

On Saturday, September 20, 2008 I am going to the Silver Comet Trail to give out carnations and safety cards. I'll also be giving away leftover T-shirts and taking donations for Safe Alone, Inc. I will be there from 8am to 1pm. I am planning on going even if it rains, but if it is really bad or storming I will go the next weekend.
Bring a bike or walk out and leave a carnation out on the trail. It makes a beautiful memorial.
Thanks,
Paige

MAVELL ROAD - START OF THE TRAIL
VERY WHEEL CHAIR ACCESSIBLE
Plans are underway to extend the trail one mile east to the Publix Shopping center located at the corner of South Cobb Drive and the East-West Connector. There will be parking, shops, and restaurants.
Take I-285 to exit number 15-South Cobb Drive. South Cobb Drive exit is near mile marker 14 on I-285. South Cobb Drive is Hwy. 280/ Smyrna/ Chattahoochee Tech. Go outside the perimeter away from the large smokestack, onto South Cobb Drive.
Go to mile marker 2.5 on South Cobb Drive.
Turn left on Cooper Lake Road and pass a small lake on the right. From the lake to Mavell Road is a short drive.
Turn left on Mavell Road (Nickajack Elementary).
Mavell Road dead-ends into the Silver Comet parking lot at the trail's starting point.

John Mayer, rain or shine

We are off to the John Mayer concert to celebrate Nancy's birthday. This was the plan this year, and darnit, we are sticking to it, Tropical Storm Faye or not!

A friend told me today that there is a saying: when it rains at a funeral, it means the spirit is moving on to heaven. Well, darlin', off you go!

Happy Birthday Nancy!

It's Nancy and Krista's 35th birthday tomorrow.  Happy birthday, you fabulous women!

Some neighborhood women I don't know other than by their web handles (perhaps they can comment on this post and identify themselves) set up a lovely little memorial in Java Jive today.  I added a few pictures, I'm sure some others will surface.  Please do stop by and sign the book and remember our beautiful friend.  She was so young and so vibrant and is so sorely missed.

I'm sure tomorrow will be an extremely difficult day for her twin, so please also keep her in your thoughts.

This picture is from their birthday two years ago.  I am going to go post more photos on the memorial website as well.